Author: cosmosusie

blankets on the beach

cosmosusieLeave a comment

the same blood that keeps me warm rushes to my face/ yet i’m cold while flushed and my balance is off/ i tip and i turn and i tumble to the floor/ the blood in my veins cuts me off to a cough

here you are and there she is/ your jacket, my arm, a blanket on the beach/ we’re so intertwined and i’m knotted all over/ a silent moment where i’m forced to speak

no rush of anger, yet swift and steady upset arises/ i trip over the imaginary lines we all drew/ the nerves in my body stand on end/ axed to stubs, were my words misconstrued?

night terrors

cosmosusieLeave a comment

every time i drive i wonder what it would be like to lose control/ i dream my brakes don’t work and i cannot stop/ i roll and roll and roll into traffic/ i wake up in sweat and on and on my head throbs

i dream i dance and kiss my way into the night/ i’m critiqued and i’m reprimanded but i dance/ i wear feathers of every color that float over me/ until it becomes a nightmare where i’m wrinkled and missed all my chances

my brakes slam and there are lights behind me/ thrust through the windshield, i’m floating in the air/ it’s the lightest i’ve felt in a while despite what lies ahead/ smashed into the ground, are my lungs even there?

startled awake, i’ve done this before/ my dreams twist and they tangle till they rot/ i relive every moment to discern which reality is certain/ which truths are familiar and which are not

i come in a plastic box

cosmosusieLeave a comment

am i a woman or am i a doll/ this porcelain is bumped and cracked/ reddened and roughly hewn/ the architect seems to have hammered and have hacked

shatter me to pieces and sew me back up/ implant a seed the color of grass/ pop in a button that will shine in the dark/ all the worn edges will chatter and clash

weather me down, leave me in the rain/ warm me back up all toasted and tame/ i break and i shatter, the outside seeps in/ i’m just a doll, but you’re just the same

rain in the air

cosmosusieLeave a comment

november air crisp and flaky/ a month of love and a season of tears/ i wish you well yet hold on tight/ i hear the night makes people come near

i burn you down yet i catch fire/ the winter snow keeps you from dying/ is it seasonal depression or heartbreak all around/ i’d say the former, but i’d be lying

happy fall, love

cosmosusieLeave a comment

half a decade has passed since i pined for you/ i whispered your name into my pillow case/ i envied your friends who knew you like i never did/ learning to love you made me forget all grace

i loved you from afar until you let me love you up close/ i wake up mingled in your smell and in your sheets/ you wake up and kiss my forehead each day/ each day, month, and year with you goes by in a blink

people you can’t throw out of your life.

cosmosusieLeave a comment

who teaches us how to hate? where do we learn it from? i hate and i hate and i cry. i’m so sick of crying.

i’m here and she’s there and i hate this. i know nothing is happening but i have tears down my cheeks.

i hate her and i hate her questions and i hate her texts. i hate her texts to him and all her kind words.

i cry because i hate her so much and there’s nothing i can do.

pictures pop up and there she is smiling and it drives me insane. i lie to myself and say it’s all okay, it’s fine.

i never knew hate until i knew her.

xoxo

cosmosusieLeave a comment

hang me the moon and bring me flowers/ stay up with me until midnight/ laugh until we cry over a stupid phone call/ tuck me into your arms and kiss me goodnight

in return i’ll write you sonnets and stories/ i’ll send you letters detailing my love/ i’ll sing to you in the car and through the house/ i’d praise you more than the god up above

give me your all, give me your soul/ you already have mine but that you know.

what. ever. major. loser.

cosmosusieLeave a comment

i’m not a loyal friend to anybody but a few/ i could watch everyone else walk out the door and simply wave/ i wouldn’t waste my time with false tears/ i’d feel the weight lessen from all the hate they gave

i’d laugh and i’d dance and it would all be fine/ a party for just me without friends i don’t like/ i’m always the nice one, always the forgiver/ forgive and forget but i remember all your bites

i’m no soft-hearted, fairytale lover/ i’ve got a hit list and they’re all on it/ i doubt he’d even stop me when i walk up to your door/ i’d rather knock and be forever a misfit

where’d all the fun times go?/ all our late movie nights and midnight swims?/ until you recall the long car rides without me/ and all the conversations that got under my skin

a friend group by force and i break free/ is it a goodbye if you never liked me?/ the small comments and shared looks between you all/ where my only role was to sit and be pretty

goodbye little fosters:(

cosmosusieLeave a comment

i kneel in a pew and plead with god/ i’ve cradled death in my hands/ i knew his shudder before he entered/ his will stronger than god’s demands

i kneeled until i could collapse/ i offered up all but my judgement day/ death deflates you until you can’t stand/ so i stay kneeling with nothing more to say

instead i pray there’s a place in the dark/ i’d like to see them all again/ the precious are too undeserving of this life/ threatened with one month until their end