Author: cosmosusie

i am a woman

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i am a woman of distinction/ we are all women of distinction/ we are thoughts, feelings, and opinions/ we are the upholders of future generations

you don’t need to fit a criteria/ your occupation does not matter/ gender roles are all a social construct/ all you need to be is a ladder

a ladder to hold up young girls/ let them know they have a place/ plant seeds of knowledge within/ water them to set the pace

we are all women of distinction/ no two of us are the same/ we rise, we fall everyday/ yet we all still bear a name

the power to live in that name/ or to change it, as you do too/ it does not matter to me/ as long as you claim it as you

i am a woman and i am distinct/ I don’t let the world wash me out/ i have not always been such an anchor/ you too can overcome the drought

i still hurt but you do too

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i owe you an apology/ not for the way i’ve been/ but for the way i was/ for how i waited to let things end

i should have told you earlier/ i shouldn’t have texted you that summer/ i should have let it be as it was/ not awake us from our dead slumber

i never wanted more than a friendship/ i let it all spiral out of control/ i meant to block anything else out/ all of my wasted time you stole

i never saw us as anything more/ and i should have told you from the start/ all i wanted was a friend to tell secrets to/ but even as that we drifted apart

so here i am so sorry/ i made up your wildest dreams/ but for me it was always him/ and i’m sorry for the way it seemed

you wanted more that i could never give/ i never intended for you to believe otherwise/ which is why i cut everything off in february/ for how it looked to everyone else’s eyes

up until spring, i never blamed you/ i blamed all the other girls who whispered/ the tales they put into your ears/ bet they didn’t see it all ending up so blistered

i truly only blame you for spring and after/ the amount of hurt i faced those months/ it still echoes through me, especially in the summer/ and yet it’s felt so good to be so blunt

i hate the way i let you be led on/ a blue dress and a dance was never to happen/ i knew in the back of my mind and the bottom of my heart/ that guilt still makes my vision blacken

it’s been too long to still be hurting/ the anger and sorrow and peace fight for dominance/ i cry in the car and dance in the shower/ for the parts of my life that should no longer be prominent

nobody quite understands so i don’t share my faults/ you blamed me but not for the right things/ i take no blame of what occurred after i set my boundaries/ and it all still lingers in my mind like a loose string

i don’t have an address to send this to anymore/ this is my only hope you’ll read it and know/ i’m afraid to send a apology and start it all back up/ i don’t think i could deal with another hello

lover boy<3

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i love you in the mornings/ and i love you in the nights/ i love you in between the sheets/ and i love you standing in the lights

you’re full of soft lines and hard edges/ the curls at the nape of your neck/ the broadness of your shoulders/ all enough to make me a wreck

You’re the only muse to me/ enough to inspire a lifetime/ together we learn to live and to love/ do you promise to be forever mine?

Growth

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my vision is blackening/ my head is floating in the air/ waiting to be sunk down/ nobody is here to care

catch me as i’m falling/ i ask, scream, shout/ the only response is the wind/ i crash no doubt

I wrote this at a time when I hurt so much but couldn’t let you know because you were to blame. You were hurting me to the point of me screaming in the shower and pulling out my hair. Since ceasing all communication, I’ve begun to sing in the shower and love myself more than you ever could. You taught me about judgment through your faulty actions, so I took that and learned to stop judging so harshly. I’ve grown so much more without you, and I thank god for that. If all I need is to burn what’s left of you, then so be it because I deserve to be able to. I’ve learned to love so much more deeply and live without doubting myself since I’ve stopped talking to you. I’ve finally stopped screaming and crying and pulling. I’ve finally been truly happy.

The Lifespan of a Book

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I said I was done burning your things/ But that was until I found a book/ The orange and pink cover is yours/ I’ve just given it a blackened new look

I really hope you don’t mind/ You can have it back if you want/ It was left behind in my room/ Staring at me as if to taunt

There were some minor annotations/ In chapters I’d rather not discuss/ I can send you the address/ Before I turn the rest of it to dust

reminiscing

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your bedroom is no longer yours/ it belongs to your childhood/ the photos on the wall are a past you/ along with the friends whose laughs were so good

all your anger has finally faded/ it’s a refreshing kind of peace/ old enemies are now a story to tell/ that part of life has already begun to cease

every promise made has since been forgotten/ either faithfully made or fully broken/ and yet you can’t seem to care or remember/ instead, you collect them all like a token

it’s well past midnight tonight/ i’m sitting criss-cross on my carpet once again/ everything has a tint of nostalgia around me/ i can finally smile at all the memories from then

i love you

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you are the slope of your nose, darling/ you are the wave of your hair/ you are the curve of your hips/ you are the physical appearances you bare

and yet, you are the IQ of your mind/ you are the quirks of your thoughts/ you are the ups and downs in a day/ you, my dear, are more than a series of snapshots

I wish for the blemishes amidst perfections/ I wish for your touch, it’s much kinder/ you are everything and never nothing/ my love, let me be your reminder

my last and final words

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i’ve finally started forgetting you/ yet i still want to scream everything i felt/ yell until my throat runs utterly dry/ until my vocal chords start to melt

i’ve burned every picture on my wall/ i’ve written you so many letters to send/ yet i won’t let you try to defend this/ i ripped those words to shreds

all of my paper is filled to the brim/ i’ve called you so many names/ i spelt out every wrong you ever did/ and yet you still won’t take any blame

one phone call and i could be satisfied/ i could cry out all your faults to a tea/ but let you would win at everything?/ god forbid the person to fix you is me

i can’t hate you more than anything/ i won’t give you that ability/ i love so much more in this world/ and i hate you but oh so differently

summer nights

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summer nights and thick air/ no fireflies, but mosquitoes bite/ yet we kiss away any welts/ along with the thought of morning lights

our hair reflects off the fire/ as mine swings around my shoulders/ our cups sloshing from laughter/ moments couldn’t be any golder

to think august has come/ and crossed the horizon/ i know soon the future will too/ the thought make our chests tighten

for now, it’s you and me/ the ease of summer may fade/ but let’s cherish the moonlight now/ for we are stardust and forever made