damnation and hell

i’ve always known where i stood/ i’ve always just lived and just been/ but who am i now?/ who am i now with all of this sin

i could speak in hymnals and betrayals/ i could write with grace and reverence/ i destroy all my bibles and all of my words/ to rid myself of this religious evidence

i used to sit in the pews each sunday/ i used to pray even through my doubt/ but no one is answering/ my prayers alone feed into this drought

i asked for you and you never knew/ i asked for a friend but did i receive?/ i go back each week just to kneel/ i close my eyes and wish to believe

i am the persona of damnation/ and yet i look for a guardian angel/ is that who you are to me now?/ will you be my salvation?

who am i now to you/ in all of the pillars of hell?/ do i reside there for you/ or am i up where the clouds swell?

dear god i wish now/ why am i here and where are you/ dear god i used to believe/ but i grew up like you told me to

my last and final words

i’ve finally started forgetting you/ yet i still want to scream everything i felt/ yell until my throat runs utterly dry/ until my vocal chords start to melt

i’ve burned every picture on my wall/ i’ve written you so many letters to send/ yet i won’t let you try to defend this/ i ripped those words to shreds

all of my paper is filled to the brim/ i’ve called you so many names/ i spelt out every wrong you ever did/ and yet you still won’t take any blame

one phone call and i could be satisfied/ i could cry out all your faults to a tea/ but let you would win at everything?/ god forbid the person to fix you is me

i can’t hate you more than anything/ i won’t give you that ability/ i love so much more in this world/ and i hate you but oh so differently