New Yorker

Each route we have fallen on together/ each step walked beside the river/ late night ice cream runs and firetrucks/ swapping cookie recipes during halloween thrillers

as winter comes, we all say our goodbyes/ the hardest ones come after so much hope/ all of the places we swore we would try/ all of the plans we made as December approached

is the future of friendship based on airport destinations?/ I’ll keep you on my calendar if you do the same/ a shared apartment in the middle of Hyde Park/ Until then, we’re not too far away by plane

happy birthday to me :)

a summer of friends

a summer of sand clinging to your legs/ a new friendship to keep you company/ experimental recipes and new hobbies to be found/ a summer of long lost and well spent money

when you close your eyes, who do you picture?/ i see people i love, people i don’t know/ a night under a fort of blankets/ a day in the rain with the friends i chose

i send letters in the mail to those I miss/ a collection of scraps and memories from the best of days/ Happiness is not fleeting, but a moment to recall on/ a series of long car rides and sitting among waves

a summer i will miss and long for when it passes/ friendships that will stay even when the weather turns/ trading a day of sunshine for a night by the fire/ i wonder how i’ve deserved such a world

this temper of mine

blankets on the beach

the same blood that keeps me warm rushes to my face/ yet i’m cold while flushed and my balance is off/ i tip and i turn and i tumble to the floor/ the blood in my veins cuts me off to a cough

here you are and there she is/ your jacket, my arm, a blanket on the beach/ we’re so intertwined and i’m knotted all over/ a silent moment where i’m forced to speak

no rush of anger, yet swift and steady upset arises/ i trip over the imaginary lines we all drew/ the nerves in my body stand on end/ axed to stubs, were my words misconstrued?

night terrors

people you can’t throw out of your life.

who teaches us how to hate? where do we learn it from? i hate and i hate and i cry. i’m so sick of crying.

i’m here and she’s there and i hate this. i know nothing is happening but i have tears down my cheeks.

i hate her and i hate her questions and i hate her texts. i hate her texts to him and all her kind words.

i cry because i hate her so much and there’s nothing i can do.

pictures pop up and there she is smiling and it drives me insane. i lie to myself and say it’s all okay, it’s fine.

i never knew hate until i knew her.

xoxo

what. ever. major. loser.

moments you never forget

a girl in middle school showed me her wrists/ the day she told me it was all my fault/ i’ll never forget how i felt there standing/ like i was the razor who did the assault

i called an old friend a year after she moved/ it’s been a while, how has everything been?/ she sent me a photo and all i saw was blood/ i could hardly discern her carved out skin

in high school i had a best friend of my own/ one month it progressed from vomit to scissors/ i’ll never erase that damn video call/ how had i missed all of her triggers?

am i the problem in all of my friends?/ what drives them to hurt so much so hard?/ am i the razor they never expected?/ since when have i been the fated glass shard?

these are moments in your life you never forget/ moments you rethink in the quietest of spaces/ moments you rethink when it’s so loud you could drown/ these are moments your memory never replaces