Tag: friends

New Yorker

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Each route we have fallen on together/ each step walked beside the river/ late night ice cream runs and firetrucks/ swapping cookie recipes during halloween thrillers

as winter comes, we all say our goodbyes/ the hardest ones come after so much hope/ all of the places we swore we would try/ all of the plans we made as December approached

is the future of friendship based on airport destinations?/ I’ll keep you on my calendar if you do the same/ a shared apartment in the middle of Hyde Park/ Until then, we’re not too far away by plane

happy birthday to me :)

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A pile of shoes sit by the front door/ fingerprints layer on the window glass/ a fridge covered in pictures and notes/ a kitchen filled with people and laughs

sisters to throw your birthday parties/ brothers to tease about their trucks/ a freezer filled with ice cream/ a kitchen table that somehow always has crumbs

i love you all like i love apple pie/ my heart is happy and stomach is full/ i count my blessings each time i come home/ each one of you that makes me whole

a summer of friends

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a summer of sand clinging to your legs/ a new friendship to keep you company/ experimental recipes and new hobbies to be found/ a summer of long lost and well spent money

when you close your eyes, who do you picture?/ i see people i love, people i don’t know/ a night under a fort of blankets/ a day in the rain with the friends i chose

i send letters in the mail to those I miss/ a collection of scraps and memories from the best of days/ Happiness is not fleeting, but a moment to recall on/ a series of long car rides and sitting among waves

a summer i will miss and long for when it passes/ friendships that will stay even when the weather turns/ trading a day of sunshine for a night by the fire/ i wonder how i’ve deserved such a world

this temper of mine

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i’m painfully truthful when i need to shut up/ i run my mouth and my temper keeps the pace/ i slam doors when i’m mad, but i always have/ anger is an old friend of mine, i’ve never known grace

i drive to calm myself yet yearn to veer right/ into the ditch, up and over/ i back peddle to apologize and make things worse/ what can i say, i’m not a good driver

anger for you, anger at me/ it all bleeds together, one and the same/ i wait to see when you finally tire/ i’m aware i’m the one to blame

my nails are wrangled and chewed/ fists in my hair, threatening to rip it all out/ breathe for a second but i can’t seem to find the air/ i suffocate, choke on my own account

don’t you see, i’m not a nice person/ i’m reminded every time i hear a door close/ i broke the cross on my wall when i was nine/ i’m consistent and everybody knows

blankets on the beach

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the same blood that keeps me warm rushes to my face/ yet i’m cold while flushed and my balance is off/ i tip and i turn and i tumble to the floor/ the blood in my veins cuts me off to a cough

here you are and there she is/ your jacket, my arm, a blanket on the beach/ we’re so intertwined and i’m knotted all over/ a silent moment where i’m forced to speak

no rush of anger, yet swift and steady upset arises/ i trip over the imaginary lines we all drew/ the nerves in my body stand on end/ axed to stubs, were my words misconstrued?

night terrors

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every time i drive i wonder what it would be like to lose control/ i dream my brakes don’t work and i cannot stop/ i roll and roll and roll into traffic/ i wake up in sweat and on and on my head throbs

i dream i dance and kiss my way into the night/ i’m critiqued and i’m reprimanded but i dance/ i wear feathers of every color that float over me/ until it becomes a nightmare where i’m wrinkled and missed all my chances

my brakes slam and there are lights behind me/ thrust through the windshield, i’m floating in the air/ it’s the lightest i’ve felt in a while despite what lies ahead/ smashed into the ground, are my lungs even there?

startled awake, i’ve done this before/ my dreams twist and they tangle till they rot/ i relive every moment to discern which reality is certain/ which truths are familiar and which are not

people you can’t throw out of your life.

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who teaches us how to hate? where do we learn it from? i hate and i hate and i cry. i’m so sick of crying.

i’m here and she’s there and i hate this. i know nothing is happening but i have tears down my cheeks.

i hate her and i hate her questions and i hate her texts. i hate her texts to him and all her kind words.

i cry because i hate her so much and there’s nothing i can do.

pictures pop up and there she is smiling and it drives me insane. i lie to myself and say it’s all okay, it’s fine.

i never knew hate until i knew her.

xoxo

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hang me the moon and bring me flowers/ stay up with me until midnight/ laugh until we cry over a stupid phone call/ tuck me into your arms and kiss me goodnight

in return i’ll write you sonnets and stories/ i’ll send you letters detailing my love/ i’ll sing to you in the car and through the house/ i’d praise you more than the god up above

give me your all, give me your soul/ you already have mine but that you know.

what. ever. major. loser.

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i’m not a loyal friend to anybody but a few/ i could watch everyone else walk out the door and simply wave/ i wouldn’t waste my time with false tears/ i’d feel the weight lessen from all the hate they gave

i’d laugh and i’d dance and it would all be fine/ a party for just me without friends i don’t like/ i’m always the nice one, always the forgiver/ forgive and forget but i remember all your bites

i’m no soft-hearted, fairytale lover/ i’ve got a hit list and they’re all on it/ i doubt he’d even stop me when i walk up to your door/ i’d rather knock and be forever a misfit

where’d all the fun times go?/ all our late movie nights and midnight swims?/ until you recall the long car rides without me/ and all the conversations that got under my skin

a friend group by force and i break free/ is it a goodbye if you never liked me?/ the small comments and shared looks between you all/ where my only role was to sit and be pretty

moments you never forget

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a girl in middle school showed me her wrists/ the day she told me it was all my fault/ i’ll never forget how i felt there standing/ like i was the razor who did the assault

i called an old friend a year after she moved/ it’s been a while, how has everything been?/ she sent me a photo and all i saw was blood/ i could hardly discern her carved out skin

in high school i had a best friend of my own/ one month it progressed from vomit to scissors/ i’ll never erase that damn video call/ how had i missed all of her triggers?

am i the problem in all of my friends?/ what drives them to hurt so much so hard?/ am i the razor they never expected?/ since when have i been the fated glass shard?

these are moments in your life you never forget/ moments you rethink in the quietest of spaces/ moments you rethink when it’s so loud you could drown/ these are moments your memory never replaces