Tag: friends

i’m calling, you’re declining

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I didn’t know you growing up/ and you still don’t know me/ all of the parts of me that screw up our phone calls/ they stay up lonely each night while you dream

what secrets are you keeping?/ who’s holding onto them now?/ I don’t think I’ll ever have another secret/ I don’t have a keeper here anyhow.

The telephone lines have been silent these days/ who worse to keep me company than myself/ I find myself staring at the fan blades/ wondering where all my good thoughts dwell

I’m overly self-conscious and yet it’s not enough/ I have too many priorities and yet I do nothing/ I think about how alone I’ve become/ why am i not growing?

Driving my car down the road

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Each morning I tiptoe out as the sun peaks over the highway

I kiss each creature in my room goodbye and save the last for you

My car takes the route we’ve worn into the tires this summer

What will I remember of these days in a year or two?

A summer of early mornings and a frequent flyer at the coffee shop

A summer of moving and spending spare minutes in an empty room

A summer of a growing reading list and upcoming expectations

Or a summer where all of my friends have left by June

I count the days of the season by the miles on my car

Everyone asks me to use those miles to visit their new lives

The creatures in my room have always been content with me here

Maybe I’ll remember this summer by the lack of long drives

New Yorker

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Each route we have fallen on together/ each step walked beside the river/ late night ice cream runs and firetrucks/ swapping cookie recipes during halloween thrillers

as winter comes, we all say our goodbyes/ the hardest ones come after so much hope/ all of the places we swore we would try/ all of the plans we made as December approached

is the future of friendship based on airport destinations?/ I’ll keep you on my calendar if you do the same/ a shared apartment in the middle of Hyde Park/ Until then, we’re not too far away by plane

happy birthday to me :)

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A pile of shoes sit by the front door/ fingerprints layer on the window glass/ a fridge covered in pictures and notes/ a kitchen filled with people and laughs

sisters to throw your birthday parties/ brothers to tease about their trucks/ a freezer filled with ice cream/ a kitchen table that somehow always has crumbs

i love you all like i love apple pie/ my heart is happy and stomach is full/ i count my blessings each time i come home/ each one of you that makes me whole

a summer of friends

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a summer of sand clinging to your legs/ a new friendship to keep you company/ experimental recipes and new hobbies to be found/ a summer of long lost and well spent money

when you close your eyes, who do you picture?/ i see people i love, people i don’t know/ a night under a fort of blankets/ a day in the rain with the friends i chose

i send letters in the mail to those I miss/ a collection of scraps and memories from the best of days/ Happiness is not fleeting, but a moment to recall on/ a series of long car rides and sitting among waves

a summer i will miss and long for when it passes/ friendships that will stay even when the weather turns/ trading a day of sunshine for a night by the fire/ i wonder how i’ve deserved such a world

this temper of mine

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i’m painfully truthful when i need to shut up/ i run my mouth and my temper keeps the pace/ i slam doors when i’m mad, but i always have/ anger is an old friend of mine, i’ve never known grace

i drive to calm myself yet yearn to veer right/ into the ditch, up and over/ i back peddle to apologize and make things worse/ what can i say, i’m not a good driver

anger for you, anger at me/ it all bleeds together, one and the same/ i wait to see when you finally tire/ i’m aware i’m the one to blame

my nails are wrangled and chewed/ fists in my hair, threatening to rip it all out/ breathe for a second but i can’t seem to find the air/ i suffocate, choke on my own account

don’t you see, i’m not a nice person/ i’m reminded every time i hear a door close/ i broke the cross on my wall when i was nine/ i’m consistent and everybody knows

blankets on the beach

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the same blood that keeps me warm rushes to my face/ yet i’m cold while flushed and my balance is off/ i tip and i turn and i tumble to the floor/ the blood in my veins cuts me off to a cough

here you are and there she is/ your jacket, my arm, a blanket on the beach/ we’re so intertwined and i’m knotted all over/ a silent moment where i’m forced to speak

no rush of anger, yet swift and steady upset arises/ i trip over the imaginary lines we all drew/ the nerves in my body stand on end/ axed to stubs, were my words misconstrued?

night terrors

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every time i drive i wonder what it would be like to lose control/ i dream my brakes don’t work and i cannot stop/ i roll and roll and roll into traffic/ i wake up in sweat and on and on my head throbs

i dream i dance and kiss my way into the night/ i’m critiqued and i’m reprimanded but i dance/ i wear feathers of every color that float over me/ until it becomes a nightmare where i’m wrinkled and missed all my chances

my brakes slam and there are lights behind me/ thrust through the windshield, i’m floating in the air/ it’s the lightest i’ve felt in a while despite what lies ahead/ smashed into the ground, are my lungs even there?

startled awake, i’ve done this before/ my dreams twist and they tangle till they rot/ i relive every moment to discern which reality is certain/ which truths are familiar and which are not

people you can’t throw out of your life.

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who teaches us how to hate? where do we learn it from? i hate and i hate and i cry. i’m so sick of crying.

i’m here and she’s there and i hate this. i know nothing is happening but i have tears down my cheeks.

i hate her and i hate her questions and i hate her texts. i hate her texts to him and all her kind words.

i cry because i hate her so much and there’s nothing i can do.

pictures pop up and there she is smiling and it drives me insane. i lie to myself and say it’s all okay, it’s fine.

i never knew hate until i knew her.

xoxo

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hang me the moon and bring me flowers/ stay up with me until midnight/ laugh until we cry over a stupid phone call/ tuck me into your arms and kiss me goodnight

in return i’ll write you sonnets and stories/ i’ll send you letters detailing my love/ i’ll sing to you in the car and through the house/ i’d praise you more than the god up above

give me your all, give me your soul/ you already have mine but that you know.