Babes, mom. I gotta look cool.
am i a woman or am i a doll/ this porcelain is bumped and cracked/ reddened and roughly hewn/ the architect seems to have hammered and have hacked
shatter me to pieces and sew me back up/ implant a seed the color of grass/ pop in a button that will shine in the dark/ all the worn edges will chatter and clash
weather me down, leave me in the rain/ warm me back up all toasted and tame/ i break and i shatter, the outside seeps in/ i’m just a doll, but you’re just the same
i kneel in a pew and plead with god/ i’ve cradled death in my hands/ i knew his shudder before he entered/ his will stronger than god’s demands
i kneeled until i could collapse/ i offered up all but my judgement day/ death deflates you until you can’t stand/ so i stay kneeling with nothing more to say
instead i pray there’s a place in the dark/ i’d like to see them all again/ the precious are too undeserving of this life/ threatened with one month until their end
the things we do to tell ourselves we’re alright/ i force myself through the daily motions of life/ i make lunch, do my laundry, and wash the dishes/ take a breath between each spoon, fork, and knife
i do things in three to make it easier on me/ turn on the water, pump the soap, wash my hands/ turn on the car, put it into drive, press the gas/ turn off the lights, get into bed, cancel all my plans
i understand why my friends are never around/ i understand why they stop calling, texting/ i’m a homebody, but not by choice/ i try to get up and find each day dizzying
is this a mood swing or a state of mind?/ i stare at myself in the mirror too long/ i sit in my car and pretend i haven’t arrived/ i just need someone to convince me i belong
i sit on the floor in my room with the blinds shut/ i sit behind a screen and type out each and every thought/ everything i can’t tell to those around me/ there’s nothing worse than getting caught
i close my eyes and let the day drift away/ i wake up in time to shower before dinner/ hot scalding water that i hope will wash it all away/ i’m only awake when the sky gets dimmer
your bedroom is no longer yours/ it belongs to your childhood/ the photos on the wall are a past you/ along with the friends whose laughs were so good
all your anger has finally faded/ it’s a refreshing kind of peace/ old enemies are now a story to tell/ that part of life has already begun to cease
every promise made has since been forgotten/ either faithfully made or fully broken/ and yet you can’t seem to care or remember/ instead, you collect them all like a token
it’s well past midnight tonight/ i’m sitting criss-cross on my carpet once again/ everything has a tint of nostalgia around me/ i can finally smile at all the memories from then
summer nights and thick air/ no fireflies, but mosquitoes bite/ yet we kiss away any welts/ along with the thought of morning lights
our hair reflects off the fire/ as mine swings around my shoulders/ our cups sloshing from laughter/ moments couldn’t be any golder
to think august has come/ and crossed the horizon/ i know soon the future will too/ the thought make our chests tighten
for now, it’s you and me/ the ease of summer may fade/ but let’s cherish the moonlight now/ for we are stardust and forever made
we’re living a breathing novel/ unexpected cliffhangers/ led by the next chapter/ where we meet new strangers
inevitably the dire question/ of when will it all just end/ and yet we hope for more stories/ and ask for a series our dreams penned
in this life we have authored/ each of us flips through pages/ and burn through all the bad ones/ as well as dog-ear the best ages
by the end of mine, i flip back/ onto the dedication/ i think to the earth and its people/ and thank them for their navigation
i stand on the brink of this life/ either floating or falling/ i step closer to the edge/ i need to stop stalling
not everything is mine/ even as i window shop/ for a new life to enjoy/ as mine’s nearing to the final stop
i walk by the glass of the stores/ and yearn the possibility/ yet i see my reflection/ a reminder of my captivity
my fingers linger along each front/ though i never open a door/ for my sake or theirs i remain/ lifeless at my core
Cosmo Susie 