Tag: poetry

moments you never forget

cosmosusieLeave a comment

a girl in middle school showed me her wrists/ the day she told me it was all my fault/ i’ll never forget how i felt there standing/ like i was the razor who did the assault

i called an old friend a year after she moved/ it’s been a while, how has everything been?/ she sent me a photo and all i saw was blood/ i could hardly discern her carved out skin

in high school i had a best friend of my own/ one month it progressed from vomit to scissors/ i’ll never erase that damn video call/ how had i missed all of her triggers?

am i the problem in all of my friends?/ what drives them to hurt so much so hard?/ am i the razor they never expected?/ since when have i been the fated glass shard?

these are moments in your life you never forget/ moments you rethink in the quietest of spaces/ moments you rethink when it’s so loud you could drown/ these are moments your memory never replaces

tortured love

cosmosusieLeave a comment

the feminine touch is soft as a feather/ with an undercurrent of controlled power/ they’re swift yet always gentle/ velvety as a petal on a flower

men are the rushing of streams/ they’re a gust of wind that rushes your hair/ delicate features of a sturdy figure/ sharp minds beneath their stares

a woman on my left and a man on my right/ the whisper of a touch trails my skin/ a rough callus creates a sweet friction/ electricity through my blood and everywhere within

i beg for mercy but never a swift death/ play it out slow like torture/ make me writhe against the wall and under the sheets/ sweet relief flows through me like water

a woman on my left and a man on my right/ the lick of an ear and a taste of the neck/ who is who, it’s all just skin/ as long as they promise to leave me a wreck

to stay in or out

cosmosusieLeave a comment

being queer has never been a choice of mine/ a friend in high school once weaponized that against me/ she was the first friend i ever came out to/ i stopped telling people until it all became a dream

there’s a girl in college i wouldn’t call a friend/ she told me i needed to be intimate with a girl/ i needed to be intimate with a girl to be considered queer/ it’s too bad that all of my friends agreed with her words

i’ve grown up with people who swear their support/ i’ve grown up with people who swear they are proud/ i’ve grown and i’ve grown and i still don’t feel as tall as them/ i grow more small and they grow more loud

i wish people would stop pressuring me to choose a side/ i’m not enough for anyone and i’m too much for me/ i’m stuck being only half of what they want/ i hate the way being out makes me seen

thank you, god.

cosmosusieLeave a comment

every time we speak i breath easy/ every time we speak i lose my breath/ only god knows what lure you hold/ but we’re entwined together until death

i miss you like i miss myself/ i cross a bridge and see you by my side/ you hover like my own guardian angel/ you don’t know it but you’re still my guide

i don’t know if i believe in destined stars/ but if i did you’d be the brightest/ just so i can look up to always find you there/ even through the loud and especially through the quiet

if god isn’t real then how did i find you?/ you know my best and you know my worst/ he gave me a miracle i struggle to confront/ give me time, i’m scared to go in reverse

answer me

cosmosusieLeave a comment

we’re in the same void of space i can feel it/ you’re not here but you’re next to me/ we’re having a discussion but only we can hear it/ how does this keep happening, when will we be free

we go through the motions of friendship but it’s less and yet more/ we keep hitting the same wall over and over/ we break it down and it builds itself back up/ each brick is cemented by yet another lover

you’re everywhere and nowhere, just a figment/ but your presence stands firm in my life/ i tumble through the motions just to always end with you/ each awakening ends with one of us pointing a knife

just when we’re through you come back to haunt me/ but it’s a horror that comes with its thrills/ it’s addicting and i’m a willing consumer/ it’s the withdrawal that stops me from another refill

not by choice

cosmosusieLeave a comment

the things we do to tell ourselves we’re alright/ i force myself through the daily motions of life/ i make lunch, do my laundry, and wash the dishes/ take a breath between each spoon, fork, and knife

i do things in three to make it easier on me/ turn on the water, pump the soap, wash my hands/ turn on the car, put it into drive, press the gas/ turn off the lights, get into bed, cancel all my plans

i understand why my friends are never around/ i understand why they stop calling, texting/ i’m a homebody, but not by choice/ i try to get up and find each day dizzying

is this a mood swing or a state of mind?/ i stare at myself in the mirror too long/ i sit in my car and pretend i haven’t arrived/ i just need someone to convince me i belong

i sit on the floor in my room with the blinds shut/ i sit behind a screen and type out each and every thought/ everything i can’t tell to those around me/ there’s nothing worse than getting caught

i close my eyes and let the day drift away/ i wake up in time to shower before dinner/ hot scalding water that i hope will wash it all away/ i’m only awake when the sky gets dimmer

numbness of people

cosmosusieLeave a comment

i’m surrounded by people but none of them friends/ they talk and i answer but it’s just a trade/ they swap stories but i’m on the outside/ i sit through parties wondering why i stayed

i’m surrounded by social interactions i’ve never understood/ i’m surrounded by smiles and laughs i can’t replicate/ i’m exhausted and i’m drowsy and i just can’t think/ i’m left behind as the conversations accelerate

i hate to be the cliche that’s dead on the inside/ i know i’m alive, i just can’t feel anything/ numbness has never been strange to me/ i close my eyes and let everyone’s words ring

bisexual anthem

cosmosusieLeave a comment

the girls in high school never did like me/ i was only half of what they wanted/ and always half of what they hated/ it was four years of hell being taunted

they’d whisper to each other like i’m some freak/ two pieces of a puzzle that just don’t match/ i’ve tried every glue, tape, and staple/ i’m everything and yet still nothing, just detached

the girls in college just don’t understand/ they tell me i’ve made it all up in my head/ they tell me i’ve been taken for far too long/ i call myself queer and they call me misled

my old coffee shop

cosmosusieLeave a comment

When is your last day as a regular/ the last day you enter the coffee shop you adore/ the last day someone already knows your order/ the last day to slide into the familiar booth near the door

i’ve realized that my day has passed/ i miss the place like i miss my old room/ i’m stuck with watery espresso from some chain/ reminiscing the long, hot better days of june

my last day as a regular was mid-august/ i can still recall my rolled up cream jacket/ i can still recall my same caramel order/ i can still recall when driving there was an old habit

the simple things you miss when you move away/ they hit you hard even once you settle in/ for me, it was my old coffee shop/ the colors and scents i can still imagine

the romantization of holding hands

cosmosusieLeave a comment

Looking at the street ahead/ i see the life of flashing lights/ the taillights of incomprehension/ of how much i need these nights

my lifeline sits to the left/ one hand on the wheel/ the other intertwined with mine/ whose heart will he steal?

i firmly believe in soulmates/ and that we are/ i firmly believe in elation/ brought to us by our stars

the romanization of holding hands/ seems uncomparable to all of earth/ as do all the limits set/ for the speed we take each curve