Tag: summer

My home away from home

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This place is everything that French vanilla smells like/ it’s sun streaming through the cranberry glass on the windowsill/ it’s the perfumed soaps I look for every visit/ it’s a place frozen in my memory that I know won’t always be still

The foothills that roll from each city to the one with your home/ I could map out this town without any direction/ I’m afraid for the day that I won’t need to navigate it anymore/ for the day that I no longer turn to you for my easy vacations

Childhood memories float from frames hung in the hall/ the postcard on the fridge I wrote to you from afar/ the stuffed animal we’ve been hiding from you for years/ the pool room we spent the last decade washing the dogs in seems so far

I see this place in every mug and it’s coffee grounds/ each antique store I enter I hear your words of advice/ never start a collection, though your china cabinets are filled/ and I see it especially in each roll of my Yahtzee dice

You warned me not to age though it’s inevitable/ I refuse to believe that this place will never not be yours/ for now it’s where I learned to swim and play cards/ a place where love is free and life is pure

hey, you:)

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in a world of people, i’ve found you/ a curly haired-boy with a tan you deny/ in a world of people, i always come back to you/a curly-haired boy with a love we define

i love you so from here and past arkansas/ i could write and write and there’d never be too many words/ you’re worth so much more than a simple poem/ it’s you and me until we’re buried beneath this earth

we’ve seen the river, the seas, and the mountains/ we’ve seen the beaches and the stars/ and yet my favorite place remains by your side/ i’m sided with fate and your my lucky tarot card

moments you never forget

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a girl in middle school showed me her wrists/ the day she told me it was all my fault/ i’ll never forget how i felt there standing/ like i was the razor who did the assault

i called an old friend a year after she moved/ it’s been a while, how has everything been?/ she sent me a photo and all i saw was blood/ i could hardly discern her carved out skin

in high school i had a best friend of my own/ one month it progressed from vomit to scissors/ i’ll never erase that damn video call/ how had i missed all of her triggers?

am i the problem in all of my friends?/ what drives them to hurt so much so hard?/ am i the razor they never expected?/ since when have i been the fated glass shard?

these are moments in your life you never forget/ moments you rethink in the quietest of spaces/ moments you rethink when it’s so loud you could drown/ these are moments your memory never replaces

tortured love

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the feminine touch is soft as a feather/ with an undercurrent of controlled power/ they’re swift yet always gentle/ velvety as a petal on a flower

men are the rushing of streams/ they’re a gust of wind that rushes your hair/ delicate features of a sturdy figure/ sharp minds beneath their stares

a woman on my left and a man on my right/ the whisper of a touch trails my skin/ a rough callus creates a sweet friction/ electricity through my blood and everywhere within

i beg for mercy but never a swift death/ play it out slow like torture/ make me writhe against the wall and under the sheets/ sweet relief flows through me like water

a woman on my left and a man on my right/ the lick of an ear and a taste of the neck/ who is who, it’s all just skin/ as long as they promise to leave me a wreck

to stay in or out

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being queer has never been a choice of mine/ a friend in high school once weaponized that against me/ she was the first friend i ever came out to/ i stopped telling people until it all became a dream

there’s a girl in college i wouldn’t call a friend/ she told me i needed to be intimate with a girl/ i needed to be intimate with a girl to be considered queer/ it’s too bad that all of my friends agreed with her words

i’ve grown up with people who swear their support/ i’ve grown up with people who swear they are proud/ i’ve grown and i’ve grown and i still don’t feel as tall as them/ i grow more small and they grow more loud

i wish people would stop pressuring me to choose a side/ i’m not enough for anyone and i’m too much for me/ i’m stuck being only half of what they want/ i hate the way being out makes me seen

thank you, god.

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every time we speak i breath easy/ every time we speak i lose my breath/ only god knows what lure you hold/ but we’re entwined together until death

i miss you like i miss myself/ i cross a bridge and see you by my side/ you hover like my own guardian angel/ you don’t know it but you’re still my guide

i don’t know if i believe in destined stars/ but if i did you’d be the brightest/ just so i can look up to always find you there/ even through the loud and especially through the quiet

if god isn’t real then how did i find you?/ you know my best and you know my worst/ he gave me a miracle i struggle to confront/ give me time, i’m scared to go in reverse

answer me

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we’re in the same void of space i can feel it/ you’re not here but you’re next to me/ we’re having a discussion but only we can hear it/ how does this keep happening, when will we be free

we go through the motions of friendship but it’s less and yet more/ we keep hitting the same wall over and over/ we break it down and it builds itself back up/ each brick is cemented by yet another lover

you’re everywhere and nowhere, just a figment/ but your presence stands firm in my life/ i tumble through the motions just to always end with you/ each awakening ends with one of us pointing a knife

just when we’re through you come back to haunt me/ but it’s a horror that comes with its thrills/ it’s addicting and i’m a willing consumer/ it’s the withdrawal that stops me from another refill

my old coffee shop

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When is your last day as a regular/ the last day you enter the coffee shop you adore/ the last day someone already knows your order/ the last day to slide into the familiar booth near the door

i’ve realized that my day has passed/ i miss the place like i miss my old room/ i’m stuck with watery espresso from some chain/ reminiscing the long, hot better days of june

my last day as a regular was mid-august/ i can still recall my rolled up cream jacket/ i can still recall my same caramel order/ i can still recall when driving there was an old habit

the simple things you miss when you move away/ they hit you hard even once you settle in/ for me, it was my old coffee shop/ the colors and scents i can still imagine

i still hurt but you do too

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i owe you an apology/ not for the way i’ve been/ but for the way i was/ for how i waited to let things end

i should have told you earlier/ i shouldn’t have texted you that summer/ i should have let it be as it was/ not awake us from our dead slumber

i never wanted more than a friendship/ i let it all spiral out of control/ i meant to block anything else out/ all of my wasted time you stole

i never saw us as anything more/ and i should have told you from the start/ all i wanted was a friend to tell secrets to/ but even as that we drifted apart

so here i am so sorry/ i made up your wildest dreams/ but for me it was always him/ and i’m sorry for the way it seemed

you wanted more that i could never give/ i never intended for you to believe otherwise/ which is why i cut everything off in february/ for how it looked to everyone else’s eyes

up until spring, i never blamed you/ i blamed all the other girls who whispered/ the tales they put into your ears/ bet they didn’t see it all ending up so blistered

i truly only blame you for spring and after/ the amount of hurt i faced those months/ it still echoes through me, especially in the summer/ and yet it’s felt so good to be so blunt

i hate the way i let you be led on/ a blue dress and a dance was never to happen/ i knew in the back of my mind and the bottom of my heart/ that guilt still makes my vision blacken

it’s been too long to still be hurting/ the anger and sorrow and peace fight for dominance/ i cry in the car and dance in the shower/ for the parts of my life that should no longer be prominent

nobody quite understands so i don’t share my faults/ you blamed me but not for the right things/ i take no blame of what occurred after i set my boundaries/ and it all still lingers in my mind like a loose string

i don’t have an address to send this to anymore/ this is my only hope you’ll read it and know/ i’m afraid to send a apology and start it all back up/ i don’t think i could deal with another hello