Tag: wednesday

i’m calling, you’re declining

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I didn’t know you growing up/ and you still don’t know me/ all of the parts of me that screw up our phone calls/ they stay up lonely each night while you dream

what secrets are you keeping?/ who’s holding onto them now?/ I don’t think I’ll ever have another secret/ I don’t have a keeper here anyhow.

The telephone lines have been silent these days/ who worse to keep me company than myself/ I find myself staring at the fan blades/ wondering where all my good thoughts dwell

I’m overly self-conscious and yet it’s not enough/ I have too many priorities and yet I do nothing/ I think about how alone I’ve become/ why am i not growing?

Driving my car down the road

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Each morning I tiptoe out as the sun peaks over the highway

I kiss each creature in my room goodbye and save the last for you

My car takes the route we’ve worn into the tires this summer

What will I remember of these days in a year or two?

A summer of early mornings and a frequent flyer at the coffee shop

A summer of moving and spending spare minutes in an empty room

A summer of a growing reading list and upcoming expectations

Or a summer where all of my friends have left by June

I count the days of the season by the miles on my car

Everyone asks me to use those miles to visit their new lives

The creatures in my room have always been content with me here

Maybe I’ll remember this summer by the lack of long drives

i am you, you are me

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water drips from the sky and runs down the street/ the ground cracks open, water slides on through/ i fall into the stream, fall from the ground/ dirt, sludge, and myself all melted, a deserving stew

i’m adrift in the air with only wind for company/ i melt among the clouds with only the sun to blame/ chained to the ground by the roots of a tree/ burning through everyone, i’m aflame

what’s the difference in our dna/ tell me we’re distinct and make me believe it/ who am i if not you/ tear me apart, tell me it’s not a skit

night terrors

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every time i drive i wonder what it would be like to lose control/ i dream my brakes don’t work and i cannot stop/ i roll and roll and roll into traffic/ i wake up in sweat and on and on my head throbs

i dream i dance and kiss my way into the night/ i’m critiqued and i’m reprimanded but i dance/ i wear feathers of every color that float over me/ until it becomes a nightmare where i’m wrinkled and missed all my chances

my brakes slam and there are lights behind me/ thrust through the windshield, i’m floating in the air/ it’s the lightest i’ve felt in a while despite what lies ahead/ smashed into the ground, are my lungs even there?

startled awake, i’ve done this before/ my dreams twist and they tangle till they rot/ i relive every moment to discern which reality is certain/ which truths are familiar and which are not

rain in the air

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november air crisp and flaky/ a month of love and a season of tears/ i wish you well yet hold on tight/ i hear the night makes people come near

i burn you down yet i catch fire/ the winter snow keeps you from dying/ is it seasonal depression or heartbreak all around/ i’d say the former, but i’d be lying

answer me

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we’re in the same void of space i can feel it/ you’re not here but you’re next to me/ we’re having a discussion but only we can hear it/ how does this keep happening, when will we be free

we go through the motions of friendship but it’s less and yet more/ we keep hitting the same wall over and over/ we break it down and it builds itself back up/ each brick is cemented by yet another lover

you’re everywhere and nowhere, just a figment/ but your presence stands firm in my life/ i tumble through the motions just to always end with you/ each awakening ends with one of us pointing a knife

just when we’re through you come back to haunt me/ but it’s a horror that comes with its thrills/ it’s addicting and i’m a willing consumer/ it’s the withdrawal that stops me from another refill

the delusions of fall

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i’ve never known fall to be mine/ fall is a blur of hot wind and candle wax/ it’s textbook paper cuts and the courtyards to class/ fall is a copper figure with crispy syntax

fall has always been a trick to me/ i layer up just to feel the sweltering sun/ it’s a melting pot of flannels and sweat/ from green to red but the paint still runs

fall is a lie we all live to love/ we cherish every autumn equinox to come/ pumpkin patches and pies just for them to rot/ as we wait for the depression to make us numb

i love you

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you are the slope of your nose, darling/ you are the wave of your hair/ you are the curve of your hips/ you are the physical appearances you bare

and yet, you are the IQ of your mind/ you are the quirks of your thoughts/ you are the ups and downs in a day/ you, my dear, are more than a series of snapshots

I wish for the blemishes amidst perfections/ I wish for your touch, it’s much kinder/ you are everything and never nothing/ my love, let me be your reminder

my last and final words

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i’ve finally started forgetting you/ yet i still want to scream everything i felt/ yell until my throat runs utterly dry/ until my vocal chords start to melt

i’ve burned every picture on my wall/ i’ve written you so many letters to send/ yet i won’t let you try to defend this/ i ripped those words to shreds

all of my paper is filled to the brim/ i’ve called you so many names/ i spelt out every wrong you ever did/ and yet you still won’t take any blame

one phone call and i could be satisfied/ i could cry out all your faults to a tea/ but let you would win at everything?/ god forbid the person to fix you is me

i can’t hate you more than anything/ i won’t give you that ability/ i love so much more in this world/ and i hate you but oh so differently