Babes, mom. I gotta look cool.
i stand on the brink of this life/ either floating or falling/ i step closer to the edge/ i need to stop stalling
not everything is mine/ even as i window shop/ for a new life to enjoy/ as mine’s nearing to the final stop
i walk by the glass of the stores/ and yearn the possibility/ yet i see my reflection/ a reminder of my captivity
my fingers linger along each front/ though i never open a door/ for my sake or theirs i remain/ lifeless at my core
the sunlight pours in after the moon/ my windows are an open, endless void/ the wind floats on through to me/ i can imagine the asteroids
the music dances in my ears/ each beat is a tap and a twirl/ each note is a ribbon floating in the air/ i wear each lyric like pearls
the smell of cinnamon bursts on in/ i wrinkle my nose in delight/ my eyes, green and wide and awake/ for this cloud i’m on is light
this hunger eats me alive/ the hunger of my addiction/ to step up once again and check/ for this old scale’s jurisdiction
I scratch at my twisted waist/ and the hips with too many dips/ i suck in my ribs and my gut/ my lungs, a moment before rips
my nails are chewed up and dead/ as are the thoughts that i let roam/ i continue to stare and hope to win/ against the mirror that turns to stone
this hunger eats me alive/ though my consumption is not fed/ i wonder how long i can make it/ it’s been days without so little as bread
cold metal tastes like tinted ice/ eroding between my gnashed teeth/ i bleed the metallic scent of it/ the sharp edge of the past week
it hits me like the damp cold/ as the wind whips my face/ i turn red and raw/ and wish this drink were laced
i scream in the steaming shower/ and drown in the pouring water/ i turn it to cold just to shiver/ and have a reason to want slaughter
i slaughter my dreams of roses/ and crush them with a deeper red/ i rip out my veins with my nails/ all in the dark of my bed
You are all mine/ the flowers and the bees/ the petals and the stripes/ in the dirt and in the trees
You are all mine/ I’m tired of keeping track/ of everybody who stares/ for now, they face my back
You are all mine/ I need you to reel me in/ to pull me up from the water/ so i can stop drowning
I walked along
The roots
Of life
Dandy and slow and whimsical too
I tripped over them all
On my very last step
And fell on down
Down
down
down
There I go
I’m falling and cannot stop
I’m flailing and drowning
Where are my wings
I am no longer flying
You can take me alive
But no one can suffocate forever
My fingers
slip
from
yours.
There I go
I’ll see you later, my friend
In my next
life.
Cosmo Susie 