Tag: friendship

what. ever. major. loser.

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i’m not a loyal friend to anybody but a few/ i could watch everyone else walk out the door and simply wave/ i wouldn’t waste my time with false tears/ i’d feel the weight lessen from all the hate they gave

i’d laugh and i’d dance and it would all be fine/ a party for just me without friends i don’t like/ i’m always the nice one, always the forgiver/ forgive and forget but i remember all your bites

i’m no soft-hearted, fairytale lover/ i’ve got a hit list and they’re all on it/ i doubt he’d even stop me when i walk up to your door/ i’d rather knock and be forever a misfit

where’d all the fun times go?/ all our late movie nights and midnight swims?/ until you recall the long car rides without me/ and all the conversations that got under my skin

a friend group by force and i break free/ is it a goodbye if you never liked me?/ the small comments and shared looks between you all/ where my only role was to sit and be pretty

goodbye little fosters:(

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i kneel in a pew and plead with god/ i’ve cradled death in my hands/ i knew his shudder before he entered/ his will stronger than god’s demands

i kneeled until i could collapse/ i offered up all but my judgement day/ death deflates you until you can’t stand/ so i stay kneeling with nothing more to say

instead i pray there’s a place in the dark/ i’d like to see them all again/ the precious are too undeserving of this life/ threatened with one month until their end

moments you never forget

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a girl in middle school showed me her wrists/ the day she told me it was all my fault/ i’ll never forget how i felt there standing/ like i was the razor who did the assault

i called an old friend a year after she moved/ it’s been a while, how has everything been?/ she sent me a photo and all i saw was blood/ i could hardly discern her carved out skin

in high school i had a best friend of my own/ one month it progressed from vomit to scissors/ i’ll never erase that damn video call/ how had i missed all of her triggers?

am i the problem in all of my friends?/ what drives them to hurt so much so hard?/ am i the razor they never expected?/ since when have i been the fated glass shard?

these are moments in your life you never forget/ moments you rethink in the quietest of spaces/ moments you rethink when it’s so loud you could drown/ these are moments your memory never replaces

thank you, god.

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every time we speak i breath easy/ every time we speak i lose my breath/ only god knows what lure you hold/ but we’re entwined together until death

i miss you like i miss myself/ i cross a bridge and see you by my side/ you hover like my own guardian angel/ you don’t know it but you’re still my guide

i don’t know if i believe in destined stars/ but if i did you’d be the brightest/ just so i can look up to always find you there/ even through the loud and especially through the quiet

if god isn’t real then how did i find you?/ you know my best and you know my worst/ he gave me a miracle i struggle to confront/ give me time, i’m scared to go in reverse

answer me

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we’re in the same void of space i can feel it/ you’re not here but you’re next to me/ we’re having a discussion but only we can hear it/ how does this keep happening, when will we be free

we go through the motions of friendship but it’s less and yet more/ we keep hitting the same wall over and over/ we break it down and it builds itself back up/ each brick is cemented by yet another lover

you’re everywhere and nowhere, just a figment/ but your presence stands firm in my life/ i tumble through the motions just to always end with you/ each awakening ends with one of us pointing a knife

just when we’re through you come back to haunt me/ but it’s a horror that comes with its thrills/ it’s addicting and i’m a willing consumer/ it’s the withdrawal that stops me from another refill

the romantization of holding hands

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Looking at the street ahead/ i see the life of flashing lights/ the taillights of incomprehension/ of how much i need these nights

my lifeline sits to the left/ one hand on the wheel/ the other intertwined with mine/ whose heart will he steal?

i firmly believe in soulmates/ and that we are/ i firmly believe in elation/ brought to us by our stars

the romanization of holding hands/ seems uncomparable to all of earth/ as do all the limits set/ for the speed we take each curve

host no more

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you text and forget i’m a human being too/ you barely text and forget i’m here/ it’s a back and forth i wish for no more/ i’m telling you this and laying myself bare

i cannot proceed in this life of mine/ i put it all before me without thought/ i’d put you behind me if it meant freedom/ i’d do it all if i wasn’t afraid of being caught

you’re present but never around/ you hide me and are afraid to be seen/ i’ve found you and i figured it out/ i’ve seen through your precious machine

you choose to read but never write/ you’ve become a whisper of a ghost/ you come around when it’s convenient/ but i’m just too tired to play host

damnation and hell

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i’ve always known where i stood/ i’ve always just lived and just been/ but who am i now?/ who am i now with all of this sin

i could speak in hymnals and betrayals/ i could write with grace and reverence/ i destroy all my bibles and all of my words/ to rid myself of this religious evidence

i used to sit in the pews each sunday/ i used to pray even through my doubt/ but no one is answering/ my prayers alone feed into this drought

i asked for you and you never knew/ i asked for a friend but did i receive?/ i go back each week just to kneel/ i close my eyes and wish to believe

i am the persona of damnation/ and yet i look for a guardian angel/ is that who you are to me now?/ will you be my salvation?

who am i now to you/ in all of the pillars of hell?/ do i reside there for you/ or am i up where the clouds swell?

dear god i wish now/ why am i here and where are you/ dear god i used to believe/ but i grew up like you told me to

i write and i write to you

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i write to you to share my thoughts/ i write to you to weaken us/ i write to you to bring us alive/ i write to you make it all just

i never thought the wind would carry me/ yet it took me all the way to you/ and now i can’t stop drifting by/ past it all and into the blue

i write and i write and you just don’t understand/ i need to tell you everything i feel/ i yearn to hear your reply/ it’s only your thoughts i want to steal

i built a book for you and i/ but i’ve started to tear out the pages/ i’ve sent you the words to chapter one/ but i’ve been writing it for ages

would you like to read this novel?/ hearing it from this author’s voice?/ or would you burn it as i did yours?/ just this once i’ll give you the choice

letter by letter i’ll send our story/ forewarning, my narrative is not yours/ i see, think, and believe differently/ with this i promise us no cure

i still hurt but you do too

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i owe you an apology/ not for the way i’ve been/ but for the way i was/ for how i waited to let things end

i should have told you earlier/ i shouldn’t have texted you that summer/ i should have let it be as it was/ not awake us from our dead slumber

i never wanted more than a friendship/ i let it all spiral out of control/ i meant to block anything else out/ all of my wasted time you stole

i never saw us as anything more/ and i should have told you from the start/ all i wanted was a friend to tell secrets to/ but even as that we drifted apart

so here i am so sorry/ i made up your wildest dreams/ but for me it was always him/ and i’m sorry for the way it seemed

you wanted more that i could never give/ i never intended for you to believe otherwise/ which is why i cut everything off in february/ for how it looked to everyone else’s eyes

up until spring, i never blamed you/ i blamed all the other girls who whispered/ the tales they put into your ears/ bet they didn’t see it all ending up so blistered

i truly only blame you for spring and after/ the amount of hurt i faced those months/ it still echoes through me, especially in the summer/ and yet it’s felt so good to be so blunt

i hate the way i let you be led on/ a blue dress and a dance was never to happen/ i knew in the back of my mind and the bottom of my heart/ that guilt still makes my vision blacken

it’s been too long to still be hurting/ the anger and sorrow and peace fight for dominance/ i cry in the car and dance in the shower/ for the parts of my life that should no longer be prominent

nobody quite understands so i don’t share my faults/ you blamed me but not for the right things/ i take no blame of what occurred after i set my boundaries/ and it all still lingers in my mind like a loose string

i don’t have an address to send this to anymore/ this is my only hope you’ll read it and know/ i’m afraid to send a apology and start it all back up/ i don’t think i could deal with another hello