Tag: friendship

blankets on the beach

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the same blood that keeps me warm rushes to my face/ yet i’m cold while flushed and my balance is off/ i tip and i turn and i tumble to the floor/ the blood in my veins cuts me off to a cough

here you are and there she is/ your jacket, my arm, a blanket on the beach/ we’re so intertwined and i’m knotted all over/ a silent moment where i’m forced to speak

no rush of anger, yet swift and steady upset arises/ i trip over the imaginary lines we all drew/ the nerves in my body stand on end/ axed to stubs, were my words misconstrued?

night terrors

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every time i drive i wonder what it would be like to lose control/ i dream my brakes don’t work and i cannot stop/ i roll and roll and roll into traffic/ i wake up in sweat and on and on my head throbs

i dream i dance and kiss my way into the night/ i’m critiqued and i’m reprimanded but i dance/ i wear feathers of every color that float over me/ until it becomes a nightmare where i’m wrinkled and missed all my chances

my brakes slam and there are lights behind me/ thrust through the windshield, i’m floating in the air/ it’s the lightest i’ve felt in a while despite what lies ahead/ smashed into the ground, are my lungs even there?

startled awake, i’ve done this before/ my dreams twist and they tangle till they rot/ i relive every moment to discern which reality is certain/ which truths are familiar and which are not

people you can’t throw out of your life.

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who teaches us how to hate? where do we learn it from? i hate and i hate and i cry. i’m so sick of crying.

i’m here and she’s there and i hate this. i know nothing is happening but i have tears down my cheeks.

i hate her and i hate her questions and i hate her texts. i hate her texts to him and all her kind words.

i cry because i hate her so much and there’s nothing i can do.

pictures pop up and there she is smiling and it drives me insane. i lie to myself and say it’s all okay, it’s fine.

i never knew hate until i knew her.

what. ever. major. loser.

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i’m not a loyal friend to anybody but a few/ i could watch everyone else walk out the door and simply wave/ i wouldn’t waste my time with false tears/ i’d feel the weight lessen from all the hate they gave

i’d laugh and i’d dance and it would all be fine/ a party for just me without friends i don’t like/ i’m always the nice one, always the forgiver/ forgive and forget but i remember all your bites

i’m no soft-hearted, fairytale lover/ i’ve got a hit list and they’re all on it/ i doubt he’d even stop me when i walk up to your door/ i’d rather knock and be forever a misfit

where’d all the fun times go?/ all our late movie nights and midnight swims?/ until you recall the long car rides without me/ and all the conversations that got under my skin

a friend group by force and i break free/ is it a goodbye if you never liked me?/ the small comments and shared looks between you all/ where my only role was to sit and be pretty

goodbye little fosters:(

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i kneel in a pew and plead with god/ i’ve cradled death in my hands/ i knew his shudder before he entered/ his will stronger than god’s demands

i kneeled until i could collapse/ i offered up all but my judgement day/ death deflates you until you can’t stand/ so i stay kneeling with nothing more to say

instead i pray there’s a place in the dark/ i’d like to see them all again/ the precious are too undeserving of this life/ threatened with one month until their end

moments you never forget

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a girl in middle school showed me her wrists/ the day she told me it was all my fault/ i’ll never forget how i felt there standing/ like i was the razor who did the assault

i called an old friend a year after she moved/ it’s been a while, how has everything been?/ she sent me a photo and all i saw was blood/ i could hardly discern her carved out skin

in high school i had a best friend of my own/ one month it progressed from vomit to scissors/ i’ll never erase that damn video call/ how had i missed all of her triggers?

am i the problem in all of my friends?/ what drives them to hurt so much so hard?/ am i the razor they never expected?/ since when have i been the fated glass shard?

these are moments in your life you never forget/ moments you rethink in the quietest of spaces/ moments you rethink when it’s so loud you could drown/ these are moments your memory never replaces

thank you, god.

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every time we speak i breath easy/ every time we speak i lose my breath/ only god knows what lure you hold/ but we’re entwined together until death

i miss you like i miss myself/ i cross a bridge and see you by my side/ you hover like my own guardian angel/ you don’t know it but you’re still my guide

i don’t know if i believe in destined stars/ but if i did you’d be the brightest/ just so i can look up to always find you there/ even through the loud and especially through the quiet

if god isn’t real then how did i find you?/ you know my best and you know my worst/ he gave me a miracle i struggle to confront/ give me time, i’m scared to go in reverse

answer me

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we’re in the same void of space i can feel it/ you’re not here but you’re next to me/ we’re having a discussion but only we can hear it/ how does this keep happening, when will we be free

we go through the motions of friendship but it’s less and yet more/ we keep hitting the same wall over and over/ we break it down and it builds itself back up/ each brick is cemented by yet another lover

you’re everywhere and nowhere, just a figment/ but your presence stands firm in my life/ i tumble through the motions just to always end with you/ each awakening ends with one of us pointing a knife

just when we’re through you come back to haunt me/ but it’s a horror that comes with its thrills/ it’s addicting and i’m a willing consumer/ it’s the withdrawal that stops me from another refill

the romantization of holding hands

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Looking at the street ahead/ i see the life of flashing lights/ the taillights of incomprehension/ of how much i need these nights

my lifeline sits to the left/ one hand on the wheel/ the other intertwined with mine/ whose heart will he steal?

i firmly believe in soulmates/ and that we are/ i firmly believe in elation/ brought to us by our stars

the romanization of holding hands/ seems uncomparable to all of earth/ as do all the limits set/ for the speed we take each curve

host no more

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you text and forget i’m a human being too/ you barely text and forget i’m here/ it’s a back and forth i wish for no more/ i’m telling you this and laying myself bare

i cannot proceed in this life of mine/ i put it all before me without thought/ i’d put you behind me if it meant freedom/ i’d do it all if i wasn’t afraid of being caught

you’re present but never around/ you hide me and are afraid to be seen/ i’ve found you and i figured it out/ i’ve seen through your precious machine

you choose to read but never write/ you’ve become a whisper of a ghost/ you come around when it’s convenient/ but i’m just too tired to play host